With Giancarlo Stanton Now a Yankee, Welcome Back the Evil Empire

Nobody cares about Major League Baseball if the Yankees aren't good.

Giancarlo Stanton
Image via Getty
Giancarlo Stanton

Being a Yankee fan feels good, some of you should try getting with the winning team. I mean, seriously, how do the Bronx Bombers keep re-upping and reloading on you peasants? And this time we're not spending money frivolously like offseasons of yesteryear. My boy Brian Cashman is being frugal with the paper, player. Taking in Giancarlo Stanton's massive deal (13-year, $325 million) and still keeping the Yankees under the $197 luxury tax threshold this upcoming season, a threshold they've surpassed every year since this particular system was put in place in 2002, is a hell of a hustle.

So you can stop with the rich get richer nonsense, all that "Yankees buy rings" bullshit because we don't (yes, we.) When we traded for Alex Rodriguez, we added him to a core of players that came up through our farm system. Derek Jeter, Andy Pettitte, Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera had already won four rings and were drafted by the Yankees. This time around we're adding Stanton, the reigning NL MVP, fresh off hitting 59 home runs, to make a three-headed monster in the middle of the lineup. Like the Core 5 (shouts to Bernie Williams), Aaron Judge (All Rise!) and Gary Sanchez were drafted and signed by the Yankees, and like Stanton, are each capable of hitting 50 home runs in a single season (if they're able to stay healthy, of course.)

The best part of this past weekend's news were Red Sox fans like Bill Simmons crying about how unfair this all is as if they aren't paying a washed up David Price almost as much as what the Yankees are paying Stanton. I live for the tears of Red Sox fans. He mentioned Jeter's supposed involvement in the deal saying, "Jeter bought the Marlins using mostly other people’s money, completely gutted them, pushed out a bunch of longtime employees, and traded their once-in-a-generation player to the Yankees," on Twitter. Our biracial angel Jeets would never. He only owns around four percent of the Marlins, Bill. But you should feel good about the Red Sox winning the World Series title race in the 21st century. You guys are beating us 3-1 at the moment, but still need 19 more to actually make this a rivalry, my man.

What people are missing in all of this is that signing big time players doesn't mean the Yankees will automatically win a championship. The pressure to play in the Bronx is unlike any city in American sports. Not everyone is built for those pinstripes. A-Rod choked in the playoffs while he was a Yankee until 2009 came along. Randy Johnson and Jason Giambi never won a ring with the Yankees, and Alex only has one. These rings ain't guaranteed, B. You gotta earn 'em in the Rotten Apple. Yankees fans are the best in baseball because even with all the success, we're not spoiled brats—we expect to win because we should and have won 27 of them thangs. We expect nothing less but excellence on that field day-in and day-out. "Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing," The Boss, George Steinbrenner said that, and us Yankee fans expect nothing less from those nine guys out there on that diamond.

I can see The Boss coming to Hal Steinbrenner, now the team's de-facto owner, in his dreams to give him direct orders and advice like Supreme Leader Snoke does with Kylo Ren. The Evil Empire is back to shit on your little rebellion. Nobody cares about Major League Baseball if the Yankees aren't good. You little peasants need a team to hate, and your favorite teams need a bar to reach so they can spend money and actually field a team that can compete. Worry about how your starting pitching is gonna get through that lineup without giving up double digit runs every game instead what the Yanks do with their money. You're welcome, you're all welcome. Enjoy.

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